Live - Dance - Laugh - Discover - LOVE - Explore <> Dream it . It's my life .

For the Record

I've often been told I carry a "too good" attitude. This kinda bothers me when people tell me this.
I don't open up to people and I'll be the first to tell you; I seem to be a surface level person on the outside, but I care more about you after our first time meeting than you think.
I've been the one to jump into things and I've only been hurt. Which is what life is all about and I get that. I'm just protecting myself from that. I talk about being a lonely person a lot and that's because I unintentionally, but forcefully do it to myself.
I have a problem finishing things, I don't like conflict and I'm afraid. So I void all possibilities of such by keeping things simple.
So, no- I'm not too good. I'm actually the complete opposite; I'm not good enough. I put myself out there and I go way out of my way to care for people that only leave me empty and in pain. I act outgoing and it's not an act, but I simply can't let anyone deeper. My emotions can't handle it. Just thinking about it scares me to death and is painfully exhausting.
So when I say I'm never getting married, I mean it. Maybe I'm stubborn, but I'd rather not. I will always be here to listen and care for anyone that needs it and I will invest in you as much as you let me. I appreciate the love people do give me and it means the world to me when people tell me things like, "you're going to be a great wife someday" or simply thank me for driving them places. I'm not too good to accept these things. 
Do you see my problem? I'm just a mess. And I'm too afraid to fix it. I just need it to stop.